What is Parental Alienation (PA)?

Parental Alienation is a phrase used frequently now in Irish family law cases.
First used in America, it has travelled across the Atlantic to Ireland during the
last decade and is having a detrimental effect on parents and children.

So what is PA? There is a phrase I heard as a child – the constant drip
wears the stone – this is the essence of what PA is. A tap constantly dripping
will eventually put a hole in the rock underneath it. PA is the continuous
process of parental abuse whereby one parent belittles, complains, makes
fun of, ignores or speaks ill of in front of a child or children. Basically, one
parent does everything in their power to turn the child against the other
parent. The harm done is insignificant to the PA parent. They have no issue
making false accusations against another parent. The positive bond which
had existed for years can be severed over time by a malicious campaign of
denigrating the other parent.

Some examples of PA tactics include –
 Badmouthing the other parent: The alienating parent may make negative comments about the other
parent, often in front of the child.
 Limiting contact with the other parent: The alienating parent may try to prevent the child from
seeing or talking to the other parent.
 Manipulating the child: The alienating parent may try to make the child feel guilty or ashamed for
spending time with the other parent.
 Using the child as a weapon: The alienating parent may use the child as a pawn to get back at
the other parent.

PA can be direct, as with the examples above, but it can also be subtle & indirect. For example, the
PA parent may frequently ask the child who returns from access questions in a negative manner.
So instead of saying “Did you have a nice time with Dad?” they might ask “Did you not have fun
with dad, did you not do anything fun together?” By asking questions in this manner, the child can
honestly tell someone the PA parent doesn’t directly say anything bad about dad (but the insidious
implication is always there). This is a very clever form of PA.

Parental alienation can have a devastating impact on children. It can lead to feelings of confusion,
anxiety, and depression. It can also damage a child’s relationship with both parents.
The best thing any parent can do to combat PA is to show the child through their
words, deeds and actions that they do indeed love the child quite a lot.
Finally, PA parents are very short sighted. While they may think they are gaining an
advantage by bad mouthing the other parent, its only short term. Children are
intelligent and soon figure out what’s going on – who to trust & who to believe.

If you are affected by this please reach out & we can help you put the right steps in place.

Author: Pj Brennan Beacon Parenting & Separated Parenting Courses