How to Parent Teenage Girls
One of the questions I get asked most frequently is how do I parent my teenager, in particular my teenage daughter. What parents forget is that their 14 year old daughter is not the same 4 year old daughter they remember fondly & try to cling on to. Children must be allowed to transition to teenagers & in turn into adulthood. This transition is often fraught with rows, disagreements, blaming & lack of understanding on both sides. This rocky road of teenage/parent angst, in my opinion, is essential to make the moving on/out process easier for all concerned when the child reaches 18. By the time they reach adulthood the teenager is more than ready to fly the nest & the parent will gladly facilitate this move. Their time together is done. For now!
While living under the care of their parents (or indeed while being under 18 anywhere) it is essential for parent and teenager that there are certain boundaries
& expectations.
Puberty has a powerful impact on a girl’s life. This stage brings both mood changes and new experiences. For girls, puberty begins around age 11. Consequently, girls become physically mature between 14 and 16.
• Therefore, the physical development that comes with puberty can trigger body- image and self-esteem issues. Hence, teenage girls are often self conscious during puberty as a result of body odour, acne, and/or discomfort with the new
changes in their appearance. In addition, they can be more moody, depressed, or anxious.
Furthermore, the adolescent brain is still developing throughout the teenage years, in particular the area of the brain that’s responsible for judgment and decision-
making. This area, the prefrontal cortex, doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s.
Hence, teenage girls are more susceptible to shifting impulses and emotions.
• Films and television often portray clichéd stories of parents figuring out how to deal with a disrespectful teenage daughter. The stereotypical image of a difficult
teenage daughter usually involves slammed doors, yelling, tears, and big fights with parents and siblings. This is one time fiction mirrors reality. Try to discover the reason behind the behaviour rather than focusing on the behaviour itself.
• Research shows that teenage mood swings are most variable in early adolescence. Moreover, teen girls showed more extreme variations in happiness and sadness levels. Fluctuating feelings is normal even if hard to live with.
• We were all teenagers at one stage remember!! Striving for independence is an inevitable part of adolescent development. Teen girls are learning to take responsibility, forming their own values, and figuring out
how to make decisions that are right for them. Our goal as parents is to have them independent by 18.
• TEENAGE YEARS ARE AN APPRENTICESHIP FOR ADULTHOOD Thus, teenage girls express independence through their fashion choices, the music they listen to, the friends they spend time with, and the activities and hobbies they choose. And the choices they make might not be the same ones their parents
would make for them. The worst thing you can do as a parent is tell a teenager not to do something because they will invariably do the opposite.
• Therefore, the teen years can be hard on parents. Hence, parenting teen girls requires finding a balance between setting limits and allowing teens to forge their
own path. Furthermore, parents may need to let teen girls experience failure. As a result, they learn more about themselves and develop resilience. But it’s not easy for parents to stand aside and watch their teenage daughters struggle and sometimes fail
• Remember when your same child was a toddler and learning to walk. They took a few steps and fell. Then you helped them back up to take a few more steps. Eventually they walked independent of you. Exact same principles with a teenager.
• Body image impacts teens, especially females. As their bodies develop, teen girls tend to focus lots of energy on their physical appearance. And if they feel any insecurity about their looks, social media generally makes it worse.
• Friendships are vital for all teenagers. Friendships for teenagers are a replacement for the family group from younger years. Friends are the family teenagers chose. Once the teenager knows you, as the parent, will continue to offer a secure base and unconditional love – especially when things go wrong – everything should be just fine.
• DO NOT BE YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTERS FRIEND. You are not 16 anymore and you need to keep a certain distance between you and your daughter, especially for the times rules and boundaries need to implemented.
• Finally, teenage years are a phase. The mood swings, the rows, the silences etc. are all natures way of making it easier for parents to say bye bye to our little darlings, and them to us, when they reach 18.
PJ – Beaconparenting.ie
( If you’re being effected by this like many others please reach out and we can help put the right plan in place, or if you just need someone to talk or listen to your needs we can advise as best we can )