Who is Parenting Your Child?

Over the course of a normal week, who spends the most time with your child? Is it you? Or is the
“surrogate” parents who look after your child when you are unavailable? The teacher. The child minder.
The grand-parent. The neighbour. In extreme circumstances, some children may not see either of their
parents at all from Monday to Friday. Because of a long commute to work they may leave the family
home when the child is asleep and similarly be unable to return before the child is asleep once more.
Time together is one thing which has amazing mutual benefits for both the child and the parent. Financial
circumstances beyond our control, however, often dictate out of necessity where and with whom we as
parents spend most of our time.

There are two potential consequences when somebody other than the parent spends more time with
their child.

Firstly, there is every likelihood that the child will become confused in relation to what is acceptable
behaviour and what isn’t. A typical example is the classic sweets one. You the parent are constantly
reiterating to your child the benefits of eating well and the risks of eating poorly. Nanny minds the child
five days a week and the child lives on coke and chocolate. This is an exaggerated example, but the
point remains the same. When someone other than you, the parent, influences your child’s behaviour for
the greater amount of time it is only natural that that person’s values, expectations and boundaries may
become the accepted norm for the child.

The second potential consequence is that parents will ply their children with material luxuries such as
smart phones, I pads, holidays, etc. to make up for their absence in the family. This creates a cycle of
more wanting more resulting in children not only wanting more, but expecting more. Instantly! This can
be the case for all parents not just those who see very little of their children. The result is the creation of
mini emperors within our homes – ordering, demanding and dictating. Ultimately, there is little point in
blaming our children or the teacher or the child minder for this outcome. We are the adults, the managers
of our children. The responsibility for your child begins and ends with you – the parent.

( Parenting or child rearing promotes and supports the physical, cognitive, social, emotional, and educational development from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a biological relationship. A father and a mother holding their infant child. )