There is no middle ground with family mediation. There are no half agreements. Either it is a 100% successful or it 100% fails. Mediation is also about separation, not reconciliation. Its amazing how many times I have worked with parents who were confused by these two facts. Some have continued on with mediation when it was explained to them what it is and isn’t, while some left the process, perhaps looking for counselling instead.
Mediation is the process of two separating parents getting an opportunity to listen and be listened to in a safe space with a neutral mediator. It can take place online or in person. A bit like a three-legged race, all parties should be moving towards the same finishing line ie. A Mediated Agreement, however awkward it may be to get there. The ultimate goal is for both parties to come to an agreement they can both live with going forward. It wont be perfect but at least it will move people on from the empass.
Generally I find that one parent makes contact with Beacon Parenting with some general enquiries regarding mediation. The other parent may or may not know they are making contact. For mediation to begin, both parents must contact me themselves, independently. Once they both agree to proceed I will send each of them a copy of The Agreement to Mediate form. This outlines the role of each participant and reminds the parents that the mediator should be fair, impartial and not give advice. The participants agree to be respectful and are participating of their own free will. This form is signed and returned to me.
The next phase is that each parent meets me for a one on one session, either online or in person. It does not matter who I meet first – this is another common worry for parents. The one to one session is about giving their perspective, in a safe environment, about why mediation is needed. They also suggest possible solutions and just importantly are asked how they think the other parent views the situation.
Following the one to one sessions there may be a break of a week or so to allow everybody to process and reflect on what was said. It is then that the hard work begins as the group phase with both parents plus mediator happens now. Naturally, this can be quite a stormy part of the process as there is so many different perspectives and points of view to be aired. The mediator needs to be quite strong during this phase to hold everything together. This phase is when its most likely to break down as emotions are high. However, if these choppy water can be navigated and key issues identified, the process may move freely enough after this. Identifying possible solutions and agreeing on them is the next challenge. It is impossible to tell parents in advance how long the process will take as there are so many moving parts.
Once solutions are agreed the rest of the process is straightforward. The agreement is signed by the three parties once everybody is happy with the written agreement and the process concludes.
This is just a quick flavour of how things can go during a mediation process with Beacon Parenting. Every case is unique and no two mediations are the same. Ultimately, myself as mediator will handle your case with dignity, confidentiality and professionalism.
Remember, a successful mediation will save you time, stress and money so contact Beacon Parenting today if you think mediation is for you.